On the way home – I cried, then I stopped, then I cried more. I saw my Dad – he thinks I am sick, I came home – not sure why – would have been better off sleeping in my office I think. Ironic really – the woman I love thinks that I don’t feel anything because I clam up. The woman I don’t love says “pull yourself together and pay attention – don’t bring your work stresses here”.

At the bottom of everything, all I feel is love for you – nothing else. I have to find a way here that allows “us” to grow – it is all I can think of – only that way that you and I can know what “us” truly is and what future it has.

I belong to you – I love you – you overwhelm me and I have become addicted to the fact that you calm the noise in my head. Selfish, I know, but I don’t want to give that up – and in the whole world, the only person who has achieved that so far is you – so I guess that means that I am addicted to you.

more still to come x