I really really want you to have a nice time tonight – you deserve it – this week has been very hard on you and in part I am responsible for that. I am so in love with you – I adore you, I miss you – and as much as I try not to be, I am sometimes jealous of the happy times you have when we are apart – not because I don’t want you to have them – because I absolutely do – but because I want it to be me that you have those happy times with. More than anything that is what I want. I am though disappointed in myself – I am disappointed that I have such feelings but as hard as I try sometimes they get the better of me – I am so very sorry. I am yours – I want to be the person by your side all of the time.

I dream about you – I feel you in the night with your arms holding me, I feel you and I making love – and then I wake and the person next to me is not you – and then I cry. Sometimes I have to get up because whilst I can stifle a cry I cannot stifle a sob – and sometimes I sob and sob and then I sob some more. And so to me you are everything that I had imagined and then so much more – I had never anticipated the delight that is you.

I love you my darling beautiful one x.