Hello lovely – remembering the time in the bar on our travels – just the two of us “getting into trouble” with your outrageous body language! if only! – we were very well behaved – truly – sometimes the whole thing just makes me laugh, but other times it makes me cross. But more than anything I had the most wonderful day with you – so thank you.

I long to be reckless – you are so very feminine and heavenly in every way – what more can I say…

In such a short time being with you has shown me so many new and amazing things about being in love and about being loved. For me all I have for you is unconditional, profound love and I see the same in you for me (still don’t get it but moving on swiftly….). You are most definitely perfect – I have found the love of my life and she is exquisite.

I love you my darling beautiful one x.

Hello beautiful one – thinking of our time on the plane travelling. The time just passed so blissfully, almost unnoticed – never before has a plane flight passed so quickly. Such a happy time, so mesmerising and delightful, gentle and tender.

Your voice lifts me up, you make my heart soar, you make me cheerful and optimistic. I adore you, I can’t wait to spend time with you – monday cannot come soon enough….

I love you x.

Hope shopping was ok – did you find anything interesting? I have been digging. Listening to music – did get quizzed “why are you listening to this now?” but fobbed off an answer which was believed – so all ok. Lovely songs, some very emotional – but now in my head “your” songs and perhaps even “us” songs? I would like them to be so.

All I can think of is you – you voice, your smile, your hair, your gentle curves – you make me want you so much both emotionally and physically. I am so dependent on you and I do desire you so very much. Thoughts of recklessness remind me of how magical you are, thoughts of gently caressing your back remind me how peaceful and gentle you are, thoughts of what you write remind me of how loving you are and that no one has ever treated me like you do.

The ache in my middle is there – a little better for speaking with you this afternoon – but always there when we are apart. It reminds me how important you are to me. I know that you will be away soon – that ache will be there every day – and I will not forget you. I will write you messages, I will think of you, I will dream of you, and I will love you every day with all my heart.

I love you my beautiful one x.

Hello – so wonderful to hear your voice and your laugh – I miss you so – but please don’t get yourself into trouble…. I am off to do some jobs now too!

I love you my beautiful one x.

Sorry that you are not having a good day – wish I could make it better for you. Wish I could just hold you close to me and keep you safe. The time passes slowly…

I love you my beautiful one x.

Hello beautiful one – wondering how you are, what you are doing… Thinking of you all of the time.

I love you so very much x.

More paperwork to fill in … boring but important. Still have you in my head and your music on quietly in the background – I feel closer to you because of it. I adore you. You are everything and I miss you so.

I love you x.

I have seen your email – you make me cry… I am not sure I know what to say. I am out walking listening to your songs with tears running down my face. No one has ever treated me like you do.

My heart yearns for you. You enchant me – how you could ever imagine that I could / would forget you while you are away astounds me.

You cannot know how much pain there is in me because of the catastrophic mistakes that I have made with you. I am so grateful for your forgiveness but I still worry about the learned Asperger behaviour. It is hard to overturn almost 30 years of life – but I am trying. In part these messages are part of the process – I have never written to anyone ever but with you I can’t stop. Part of my life was very brutal – part of my training was pretty brutal too in so many ways – hours worked, inappropriate responsibility, people dying in front of me and I couldn’t stop it – but I am the sum of my parts now and I can’t pretend otherwise. Everyone has challenges in life – I am not sure that mine have been any worse than anyone else’s – just different. My way of protecting me works to a point but it is perhaps somewhat self destructive at times – I cannot bear to think that it is my own behaviour which hides how I feel from you, I cannot contain the pain that that thought brings to me. Whatever “us” is, however it grows (and I want that more than anything) I need to show you what you mean to me – if something ever happened to me, I need to know that you feel loved and wanted by me – desired, adored, enchanted, mesmerised, captivated and so much more.

And so knowing all my failings, all my weaknesses, when I read your email all I can do is sob. I can’t imagine why someone as exquisite as you would want me but I do believe you and I am simply overwhelmed by your love.

I am yours whether together or apart like today – I am yours – I love you my darling beautiful one x.