Sat outside by the playhouse watching the owls and the pheasants – watching the world – I don’t think that I do this enough probably. Thinking about you – the one inside my head, roaming around, quelling the noise – all pervasive, entwined in my innermost being. The one who cannot and should not be constrained by any of my boxes – and who slowly but surely is breaking down my wall and releasing the me hidden away for 20+ years.

A few days ago in the night I dreamt of my attack – the first time for a long time – usually when I think about it (in the daytime – not often) it is a bit like film footage – as if I am watching it happen to someone else. But this time it was different – I remember how scared I was that day as they held me down, how I just begged them to let me go. I woke up feeling petrified just wanting to get away, I was sweating, I was agitated. And yet as soon as I woke, instantly in my head there you were with your beautiful smile. And I knew straight away that you would hold me close to you, that you would rest your head on me, that you would care for me. And somehow, the anguish and the fear just dissolved – all of it, immediately – within a minute or so I was fine, thinking about what happened still but without the anxiety or the fear.

You took it all away – you made it right.

I don’t have those dreams often – I don’t know what triggers them – but never before has something or someone settled my thoughts in the way that the thought of you did this time. So you see, you are simply unique, even miraculous in what your love does for me.

You are my beautiful one, my darling – a truly unique and extraordinary woman x.