Hello – still overwhelmed – so many things I want to tell you but not until I can promise them. You are simply the world to me – I love you my beautiful one x.

Good morning – slept a bit – probably not enough – but I am so excited to be with you – you are the most wonderful soul and my heart belongs to you my darling – I love you – will see you soon x.

Can’t sleep – just so looking forward to monday night and the rest of the week with you. I am so in love with you x.

Tomorrow is going to be wonderful – you are amazing – I want you – please be mine eternally so. I will beg, I will do whatever you want, I will become whatever you need – because you are the love of my life and for me to do those things will and does bring me great joy x

Lots of memories this time of year – yesterday Dad’s birthday, today 24 years since my grandmother died (Dad’s mother – she was the only grandparent I ever met), then tomorrow 24 years since I married #1 – and now she is gone too. Maybe life would have been different if she had wanted me? But actually I am pleased that she didn’t want me, nor #2 (as troublesome as it is) – my path in life has brought me to you and I am so very pleased that that is so.

Life is a collection of memories, decisions, paths – sometimes it is very complicated, sometimes much easier – for us, we are in the complicated bucket – yet part of me thinks that this is not so. So much depends on what we want for the future – because part of me thinks, to hell with everything else and everyone else – I will live with you anywhere, we will be happy and life will be simple – what more could I ask for?

I yearn for you – I desire you – at times I lust after you – you are the most extraordinary soul I have ever known – I am in awe of your beauty and my love for you knows no bounds – I love you my beautiful one x.

Hello – the last few days have been difficult – I cannot explain the pain of last night. I know that you were drunk and that is fine – really – but I have to explain – you did not do anything wrong, you did not upset me, being drunk did not upset me, you did not have anything to apologise for. Nothing to apologise for – and please don’t – because that in itself upsets me – you are definitely perfect. What caused me to struggle was you being unwell, me being far away and being completely unable to help – profound helplessness and I cried lots.

I want us to move closer together – I will work towards that – this is the only path that I want. You make me so very happy – and without you I am bereft, broken, lonely, upset, stressed and more. But when I am with you – everything in the world is just fine – you are the love of my life – you are everything x.

Thank you for letting me love you – thank you for letting me call – thank you for being the most perfect woman I have ever known.

I promise that I want you – you won’t lose me along the way on our journey – I love you my beautiful one – tomorrow is our time x.

I hope you are feeling better today – last night I felt really helpless re your distress – I found it very hard. Then there was all the fuss here – that too was hard. But today, I have you in my thoughts, your songs with me, and it is quiet here – and I am feeling tired but slowly better.

I find it almost impossible at times to explain to you what you mean to me. Sometimes when I write it feels like every sentence just makes things worse, every sentence just says one thing to you and something else to me – and I don’t understand – and for that I am very sorry and ask your forgiveness.

Being in love with you is amazing – more than I have ever known; being apart when you are distressed breaks my heart; such are the ups and downs of “us”. You are though definitely perfect – I will never let you go – I love you x.

Hello – so very tired – out for a walk, sat down on the grass and fell asleep for a bit. Missing you lots x.

I am so very sorry if I am writing “go away” messages – I never want you to go away.

Are you feeling better my beautiful one? I love you x