Hello – once again I think I owe you an apology. My emotions without you here are a bit all over the place and some of the less good bits of my personality keep appearing. I don’t mean to be quite so sad at times and ultimately I know that you will be back soon and that we have so much to look forward to. I love you my beautiful one x

Good morning sweetness – somewhere different for you again today – I hope that the weather is good and that you have a really nice time. I miss you. I know that I keep telling you this and that it must be come across as being ever so repetitive – so I am sorry for that, but at the same time it is by far the overriding feeling that I have. The feeling of loss does not diminish as the days go back – the numbness that I feel in my inner core just sits weighing me down.

Thank you though for my messages – thank you for taking the time to let me know how you are – I need you to be ok. Please don’t though get yourself into trouble and please don’t let them give you a hard time or hassle you. I just want to care for you every day and to keep you safe with me.

I love you my beautiful one x.

Night #5 – missing you as always – waking and looking for you – somehow it is so much worse when you are far away. I love you x.

Difficult evening at times but all fine now – you and I in my thoughts tucked up I. My bed and happy with you here with me. I have felt very lonely at times today plus I upset you re work when all I was trying to do was secure a pay rise for you both – but I have learnt from this too.

How have you been – I hope that you are ok and actually I do want you to have a really nice time even though we are not together – every day your happiness is my first thought – I want to care for you and look after you every day my darling beautiful one – I love you x

Hello – sitting here trying to think of how I explain to you how I feel and what I want.

I want you – I would like to find somewhere where we could live together.

I know that we might not have many friends but then for me that is no change – I don’t have any. But you do and I know that they are important to you – so we need to be sure that anything we choose to do sits ok with you with respect to these friendships.

I want us to be free of oversight – I want us to be able to have time together or apart but because we choose that – not because it is enforced on us by others.

I want us to share with each other – to be able to care for one another without interference or stalking / watching. I want us to fall asleep together, to wake up together – I want you my beautiful one x

Hello my darling – please don’t be sad or stressed about “us” – you are my everything. Once again I can only apologise for the complexity of my life and the pain and anguish that it causes you at times.

I love you sweetness – more than I can explain. I don’t want to be here – I just want to be with you, only you, always just you. I want to sit with you and hold your hand, talk with you, gaze at you and be happy and content together. I want to hold you close, caress you, kiss you and make love to you. I want to care for you and keep you safe.

You are the love of my life – everything that I have ever wanted, yet so much more than I ever anticipated or could have ever imagined. I love you my beautiful one – you are truly amazing x.

Hello – going to London shortly – in my office listening to your songs and it is very quiet and peaceful for a few minutes – just you and I together in my thoughts and that it is truly lovely. I have been re-reading your messages from last night – please don’t think that I will forget you. You are always in my thoughts and I miss you terribly.

I am trying really hard not to be sad – some days are easier than others, some parts of some days are easier than others. I always find dinner time really hard, I become so very jealous. But as always the good parts far outweigh the bad parts – thoughts of us together chatting and being together, like our very first trip that sunday – truly wonderful. And I just long for more days like that with you.

You are such a delightful soul, simply amazing and the love of my life – I love you my beautiful one x.

Hello sweetness – thank you for my messages this morning – sat here trying to summon some enthusiasm for work but all I want to do is to come and find you, to talk with you, to hold you next to me and to tell you that I love you x.