Night #9 – ever closer now – woke up looking for you and you are not here – I love you my beautiful one x.

Lying here thinking of you – listening to your songs with you filling every thought in my head. You are amazing, extraordinary – in everything that I think of you are there – sensible things, silly things, work things, home things, dull things, exciting things – all of them loving things with you at the heart of it all.

I owe your fiends an apology – I have been unfair and rude about them – I am sorry. I don’t know them well enough to comment and my concern for you has perhaps led me to be overly harsh about them. So sorry.

You are the love of my life – you make me intensely happy – your messages brighten my day – I love you my darling beautiful one – take care coming home – I need you x

Missing you loads – just sat here alone with you in my head and that is very lovely. Watching you slowly coming ever closer to home. Thinking about life, circumstances etc – trying to find a path through without hurting people as much as I possibly can. I feel so responsible for so many people and their happiness – it sometimes is a bit daunting.

I love you – so very much. I want you, I am very jealous of the time that others have with you – especially today. I hate it when I hear of others being mean to you. Neither are very attractive qualities / behaviours of mine (once again sorry) – but I am pleased that at least one of them seems to be showing genuine concern for you. I hope it is real – and as always I am sorry if I speak out of turn.

I cannot convey to you what you mean to me – whatever words I know, they simply aren’t good enough – nowhere close at all. My heart yearns for you in a way I had never imagined or could possibly have anticipated. I have never felt like this before – nothing before has ever caused me such a sense of loss as your travelling has done. A profound and visceral sense of loss, which just goes on and on and on – just some transient respite when I speak to you but then it comes back so acutely.

I want you – the very beautiful and delightful you – the truly wonderful and tender you – the astonishingly feminine and desirable you – the love of my life x. Thank you for wanting me x.

Hello – coming to the end of the visit – one of your team as always has been really helpful. How are you beautiful one? Your webcam looks a bit miserable re the weather – hope you are ok.

I love you so very much indeed and am really missing you here today. I feel a bit worn out today – not just tired through lack of sleep but genuinely a bit worn down. All of the things at home are really wearing – and it is clear that the way forward is going to be fraught with more issues as I progress further.

But none of this makes me any less determined to do this – irrespective of you, I need to for me. But equally I cannot pretend that there isn’t you to consider. And you are everything – you constantly mesmerise me, you enchant me, you make me want you, you draw me to you with all of the love and care you show me. I cannot be without you, I do not want to be without you – I want us to plan for a future bit by bit, step by step – sharing our love together and caring for each other.

Your love engulfs me – I adore you – I love you my beautiful one x

Good morning beautiful one – a day of travelling for you. I hope that you get some quiet time just for you. I am going to look at your office this morning – I need to see more of your things. I need and want more time with you – always. I love you my darling x.

Last week was going away week, this week is coming back week – my heart feels a little lighter. Sweet dreams my beautiful one – I love you x

Finished washing up, been to see Dad. Sitting down now to read a bit – outside for a bit longer but getting a bit windy so not sure how warm it is for much longer. I miss you very acutely this evening.

Have I upset you this evening – your messages are a bit cryptic…..? I suspect it is just that you are in a bit of a rush but not sure.

I hope that you are ok, please take care my darling – I love you x.

In the sunshine, drinking Pimms, a little worried about you but hopefully you are ok now that you have had some water and tea(?). It was so very good to speak with you again – three days in a row – more than I could have imagined – but now as always I will be sad that for the next few days I wont have any time with you (except by messages which are very lovely) until perhaps Saturday. But Saturday will be lovely – to see that radiant smile of yours will be just magical.

I know that you are sad and I know that you worry about things here – I know that you feel vulnerable – I understand. Please do tell me if there is anything more that I can do to reassure you – to make you feel safer, more secure. Much will perhaps not be achieved / apparent until there is a material change in both our circumstances but in the meantime I do want to try and reassure you, to give you confidence, to show you that you are loved and wanted and that my feelings for you are real and long-term and that you are secure and safe in my heart.

Days will pass until we see each other again – they will have good moments and bad moments for both of us. Each of us will seek some solace in thinking about the other – and for me that is part of what love is. The warmth of your love reaches across the sea so that even though you are so far away I feel safe and cared for every minute of every day. I hope that my feelings, emotions and love for you protect you and support you too my darling. You are so definitely perfect and I love you my beautiful one x.