Came home then went for a walk – sat out for a bit – no rain this time you will be pleased to know. But very very peaceful in the dark – thinking about you and what you mean to me. Trying to get my head around what you have done to me, trying to understand….

But definitely no decisions (please please don’t worry – remember decisions are made about “us” by us – not by me alone). And just to absolutely crystal clear – in no way am I unhappy about what you have done to me – on the contrary your appearance in my life has been an absolute revelation to me, awakening aspects of me that have been suppressed for some time.

You “invade” me constantly – every moment of the day you are there. And when you are not physically with me, there is a visceral pain in the very midst of me, gnawing away at me constantly. I know that I am very needy and I am very sorry that that is so – I never used to be. I just had to call you twice this evening – as soon as I put the phone down I wanted to call you back. But this is only because of how lovely you are – having you in my life is a joy.

I find it almost impossible to be without you – you enrich my life and I adore you. I know that I am complicated – if you choose to remove yourself because of that I would be bereft and very very sad indeed – but that would not be your problem and I would absolutely understand and respect that.

I love you my darling beautiful one x.

We are good – it will always be so between you and I. I write to you because you are a very special person who has captured by heart and I am compelled by those emotions to tell you how I feel. I am not sure that it comes across right or that I describe things well but I try.

When I close my eyes I see your face and hear your voice and it is just wonderful, heavenly, extraordinary. I do not want to give that up – I do not want to give you up. I am forlorn without you – the weekends are almost interminable at times and anything I can do to feel close to you becomes magnified in my mind – I read through your emails just to see your name on the screen.

And then I read what you sent me on New Year’s Day and it makes everything I write look very feeble and ineffectual. No one has ever sent me anything like that; no one has ever treated me like you do. I feel engulfed by your love and overtaken by the intensity of my feelings towards you. So I do not want to let you go – I need there to be an “us”.

I love you x.

You are a delicate soul and I see that in your face today. I don’t like the answer I gave you but for now it is the truth – yet I feel that I belong to you in everything I think, feel and do.

I am very lucky to have you in my life – you are enchanting, mesmerising, delightful and so much more. You provoke the strongest of emotions in me – I hope that I show you how much you mean to me.

I miss you – I just want to come and find you right now and hold you. I am sorry that I am so very complicated for you.

I love you beautiful one x.

As always looking across the table, you are very beautiful.

I love you x.

Time with you is always magical – the words don’t and can’t convey what I really feel.

I love you so very much my beautiful one x.

I hope that your day is going well – I miss you. It is good to see you laugh – and it is difficult to see you upset this morning. I am looking forward to seeing you later and will call in a bit. I am always thinking of you.

I love you x.

I love you beautiful one x

I am sorry if I cause you to worry – this is not my intention – I am genuinely fine.

You look very very beautiful sat across the table this morning.

I love you very much x