Hope you are well this morning lovely one – I miss you terribly. Misty morning here, nice walk, talking to you telling you how much I love you. Counting down days until our trip – looking forward to the time together.

I am very lucky to have you – I do recognise that – just thinking about you calms my thoughts, you are very good for me. I really need you to bear with me whilst I get better at understanding and learning about you (and about how I come across to you) so that I can be the very best person for you – I will get there (eventually!).

I love you.

PS Just realised that is now 7am, so actually it is time for a walk – I will be talking to you, lovely one, so please remember how much I care.

I love you

Not been out yet (started typing this at 6.35) – too early even for me.

Just thinking of you and how you make me feel – how your love just flows over me and surrounds me; how my heart soars when I hear your voice or see you; how magical your smile is, the warmth of the person that I see when I look into your eyes; the closeness I feel when I hear your gentle gasp; and what you make me feel when you touch me. All of these and so much more just dissolve me completely and I am yours.

So much time spent with you is peaceful and contentment – but then I struggle with how I come across and that frustrates me – and I am so very sorry. And then like now when you are not here I feel an ache in my soul like part of me has been ripped away. I know that the hours will pass and I will see you again and I so look forward to that but in the meantime I try to find anything at all that makes me feel closer to you. I talk to you, I whisper your name, I look at your picture, your emails and then I read what you wrote at New Year and I am in tears.

I think that I have perhaps become a very needy person – I know that suddenly I feel very selfish. Yet I do not want to, cannot and will not let you go for you are the most mesmerising soul. We agreed that there could and should be an “us” – I was so very scared that day we spoke that you did not want that – but now that I have that I will do whatever I can to nuture “us” and allow “us” to flourish.

I promise to bring my neediness under control and to care for you better than I have been doing in the last few days – to show you properly how I feel and to not keep pushing you away (however inadvertently). I see the look in your face when I have messed up and I see your pain and it hurts me – I should not be the cause of pain for you.

Most of all, I will be careful with your heart – you are precious and delicate which is a truly rare and wonderful thing – and everything else seems so insignificant when compared with you. I want to care for, look after and love you to the very best of my ability – that is what brings me joy.

I love you beautiful one.

Can’t sleep – will go for a walk soon – but your name is on my lips and the thought of you is just divine.

After that maths – if only you were here….!

I love you.

I am bereft without you – I miss your kindness and gentleness.

I love you

You are hear with me in my heart and in my head.

I love you.

Had too much to drink too quickly today I think – been told off for being drunk and pre-occupied – but can’t really put forward a reasonable argument as I am entirely pre-occupied with you. And I won’t apologise for that so it is easier to sit quiet and take it on the chin – I have been called far worse in the past. You are in my head and that is exactly what I want and what I need – your love surrounds me and I refuse to give it up.

Time for some maths I think along with thoughts of you in my head. I listened to a talk about Johannes Kepler and his laws of motion – quite extraordinary about what he figured out in the 1600s – makes me seem like a bit of a fraud especially as I think that fundamentally I am quite lazy.

Perhaps I am drunk but actually when I close my eyes I can feel your breath on my cheek and I can smell that morning fragrance which is definitely you. And it is very good – enthralling in a way that I have never imagined.

I love you beautiful one.

More walking – and talking to myself. Thinking about you and everything you mean to me. Hard to explain how important you are to me plus I would likely mess it up anyway. I used to know what to say and how to say it but now it all seems to come out wrong. I am very sorry.

I tell you things about me – and am very happy that I do so. You did not make me say anything this morning that I didn’t want to explain, as opposed to me not wanting to tell you. I had though already decided last night that I would tell you if you asked again – so it was fine. But sometimes things are a little hard to verbalise (you are a delicate soul in a way), and some bits are just really horrible. I do though trust you implicitly and absolutely so it is ok in my head to tell you but I don’t want to stress you out with it – I have never told anyone some of this before and it is only now that I do that I realise that it might be a hard thing to listen to – for me it is “normal” and I have lived with it for so long that this has never occurred to me before until you said that you were feeling emotional about this. I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable in any way.

I want us to be able to talk about anything – that is essential if we are to be “us” – so please do tell me how you feel, even if you are sad, and I understand that I may not be the cause (at least I hope not). I will always tell you anything you want to know about me – however profound or trivial – just ask away.

I need you, I want you, I adore you. I have overwhelming emotions for you – I love you. You are astonishingly beautiful to me – and, yes, I do want to be physically close to you. I recognise that I may well have said too much already in this vein, and if so please forgive me. Touching you, caressing you is indeed a truly peaceful thing – it makes me feel so calm. But of course I want you to touch me – you make me feel the most magical things with your fingers. I am just sorry that I mess things up when we are close.

You consume all of me – and it is a very good thing. With every ounce of me my overwhelming desire is to care for you, to look after you, and to love you. Everything else comes after that or follows on from that. So I am yours if you want me – as odd as I am (and I have no illusions as to what I am – hence why I don’t really get why you want me). And I most definitely want you.

It is now the weekend and I am therefore counting down the hours until I see you again on monday. Your love is so gentle and you show me such tenderness – I am a very lucky person indeed.

I love you.