Somewhere in the world now it is 2017 – not too long left to go here too. I am not sure that either of us ever imagined that 2016 would end like this.

You have exploded in my head like a magical beacon of light illuminating and unmasking feelings that were there but which were never given any oxygen with which to breathe and grow. And every day now when your name lingers on my lips and it makes me catch my breath, that very same breath now enlivens those feelings encouraging them to develop and flourish.

I cannot convey to you how touched I am by your love – your note, your email – I am dumbfounded by it all.

I adore you; I am bereft without you; I am consumed by you and it is good. You are so very very good for my heart and my soul and I do not want to give you up – I so want there to be an “us” because it is a wonderful thing. I know that this may come across as being supremely selfish (and for that I am sorry) but when it comes to you I cannot be anything other than that and I will not apologise nor make excuses for being in love with you.

Every time I talk with you, your voice just enchants me – it is uplifting, hypnotic and addictive. Your love flows around me like a swirl of enchantment enriching me at every opportunity and for that I am eternally grateful.

I love you.

Missing you…

I love you

It was wonderful to talk with you this morning albeit as ever not for long enough. And then I read your email….

I don’t really know what to say. I am dumbfounded. The note you left me on thursday made me cry – this time I have had to hide away from others whilst I stifle the sobs – I wish I could just hold you in my arms.

Never in a lifetime could I write something that beautiful – you are quite extraordinary – and I am simply lost for words.

I love you.

Out walking – talking to you, telling you how much I love you and want to care for you. Probably look very strange to anyone looking at me! Even the slighted contact with you through whatever means (like earlier today) feeds my need for you.

Reliving the time we have together in my head just reinforces how lovely you are and how lucky I am that you want me. I am absolutely yours.

I love you.

Good morning my beautiful one. As always you are the last thing in my thoughts at night and again in the morning the first thing as I wake. Where is the sublime morning fragrance that I love? Would you and I were together now.

When you are not here I whisper your name to myself and it soothes me – the ache is still there but for a while it is dulled. But you are always in my thoughts and underneath the ache is the overwhelming love that I feel for you – and I do not want to let that go for it is the most special feeling ever.

I love you.

Goodnight lovely one – I am thinking of you and I miss you terribly. I am getting quite good now at marking time – the hours tick by, and at least I have learnt to count again correctly!

My need for you is profound – it flows through me, surrounds me and then engulfs me – so please look after yourself because my heart will break without you.

I love you.

I am not sure that I can be especially eloquent today – sorry. I am fine in myself (and warm again having found a coat!) but part of me is just a bit stressed by your sadness today. You really really don’t need to apologise to me today – or in fact ever. The whole point of “us” is that you and I are part of a greater whole and stronger together because of that – so anything you do is just fine with me because I don’t believe that you would do anything without good reason – that is not you. I just want to be able to support and help you more and I anguish because I not very good at that just yet – but I promise that I will try harder and I will do better. But I find it hard at times to not be good enough for you.

I love you so – you enrich my life; your smile, your voice – they just dissolve; you have always shown me such kindness, tenderness and such warmth of heart that I am so very touched by your kindness – your note yesterday brought me to tears and I will always cherish it, I have kept it safe – and plus you make me feel the most extraordinary things with your hands!

So please just be you – tell me what you feel – share with me. Use me to help you – I can’t promise that I can fix everything every time but I will try my utmost and sometimes it is just a good thing to share. In return I promise to share with you – perhaps not my strongest trait, but again I will try – and I will leave it to you to decide how well I am doing.

You and I are “us” – and that is just how it should be…..

I love you, beautiful one.

Inadequate as I feel it to be at times, I need to tell you “I love you”. I also know that I cannot really convey in words what I feel but I hope that you can see from my actions how I feel about you and what you mean to me. Truly, I cannot think of anything more peaceful, or anything that brings me greater contentment than my ‘game’ – I could, and would, just sit there for hours, just playing…

I know that you are upset today, and at times very sad – I can see that in your smile even when you pretend. It breaks my heart to see you like that and if only I could take away your pain, I would do so instantly. I understand why you feel as you do – if only life were straightforward…. So please no apologies for feeling sad – remember, help and teach me to know you better so that I can be the best I can be for you.

Yet what gives me strength and confidence here is “us”. We agreed that we would let there be an “us” because it would be a good thing – and I do not believe that that decision was a bad one or that it was a mistake. For me, “us’ is truly wonderful – you are in my head, and in my heart, and in my soul – and I would not have it any other way. I yearn to be with you and it is painful when you are not there; our time together, whilst magical and delightful, is never nearly enough.

If we are to have a future, then the future has to be rooted in “us”. I cannot promise certainty all of the time but as long as we are “us” – honest and truthful with each other (and I am 100% sure that we both are) – “us” will endure and “us” will find its own path with time. So don’t feel bad about feeling sad or uncertain, life is like that at times. But you are a truly wonderful and delightful person and I am so very fortunate that you want me – and together we are very definitely “us”.

My beautiful one, I love you.