Hello my darling beautiful one x. I miss you so much – there is that visceral ache that tries to wear me down – but then I find somewhere quiet and close my eyes, talk to you, and there you are with me and I am whole again.

You complete my soul and you mend my heart – for so long I have hidden my heart away, I have been scared to let it go. And it has always been very much easier for me to hide behind my job and the persona that goes with that, and what people expect me to be (in and out of work) – so I have done just that. But somehow, you have come out of almost nowhere (with that dress!), and disrupted me so much that all I want to do is to give my heart to you. My head is awash with you in everything I do, and so, you have all of me.

The emotions that I feel for you are all encompassing – I am surrounded by and engulfed by your beauty and your love. I want to be yours – I can’t help it, I can’t control it – it feels wonderful and I absolutely do not want to let it (or you) go. I don’t want to, or mean to, stress your heart but I don’t know how to be honest with you and then hide this from you – so please let me beg forgiveness from you right now for this – I am sorry that I let you down here.

You are an extraordinary and a very beautiful (in every sense of the word) person.

I love you with all my heart x.

Wondering how you are – what you are doing? Want just to sit with you in my arms and to chat and to see that lovely smile.

I love you x.

I hope that you are ok – I miss you very much. Had enough of listening to things that I can’t really concentrate on and can only do so much walking without causing trouble.

Trying to think of how to have proper time for “us” – I think that this is important if we are to stay sane – and it is something that I would really like to do. I want to have time just to be “us” without constant distractions, interruptions etc and without us constantly looking over our shoulders. I want to get to know you better in every way so that my love for you can grow ever deeper. If one or more opportunities arise before we travel then that would be great, otherwise every day I look at the app counting down one-by-one!

I like to write to you – I don’t know if it helps you but it does help me. I feel just that little bit closer to you by writing some of what I feel – and that is a good thing (I hope). I would like to tell you so much more about me, just as I want to hear so much more about you. I want us to know and to understand each other. That is what makes “us” the very special thing that it is. It does though need help, time and space to grow – but as it does I will be very blessed to have you in my life and in my heart – and that will be truly lovely.

Please look after yourself for me when I am not there.

I love you beautiful one x.

Just felt an uncontrollable need to tell you ‘I love you’ x

Fixed kitchen taps – took apart into about 30 pieces, cleaned, put back together, no longer stiff and no drips.

Another walk – much warmer – listened about Fourier transformations (decomposition of time based signals (e.g. sound) into its component parts – i.e. how music works – the composition of one sound on top of another) – we can use that in our analytics, everything we do is a time based signal.

Sat down for a bit in the sunshine to think about how lovely you are. Cried a bit – entirely for good reasons though – truly (I am fine). I frequently struggle with my emotions about you because they are so intense. But not one single itty bitty bit is negative in any way – it is just the most glorious wave after wave of happiness and love. Part of me feels ‘released’ in a way that I can’t easily explain well but it is very peaceful – you bring such calmness to me when I am with you. I feel very humble indeed when compared to how special you are and I am just overwhelmed.

Time with you is idyllic, sublime, magical and more – you are absolutely breathtaking.

I love you my beautiful one.

Thought about fixing nose – heard your voice in my head – so didn’t!

Sat here just day-dreaming about you – dreaming of holding you and caressing your skin. Wishing I could speak to you for real and in the meantime telling you how much I am looking forward to our trip and sitting together now that you have no reason to cave in…..

I like talking to you – hearing you laugh, seeing you happy. I want to be the person who brings happiness to you.

I love you x.

Out doing things – talking to you. Telling you how much you mean to me; telling you how much I need to have you in my life; telling you how I want to care for you.

My heart just skips a beat when I hear your voice or see you. Even an email or text makes me catch my breath – I am so enchanted by you. I like being part of “us” – I hope that you do too. It is a very lovely and a very very very special feeling. It is ours and ours alone – and nothing can detract from that, which is what it makes it so special to me. The fact that you want to be part of “us” still overwhelms me. You are such an extraordinary soul and every day when I think about you I remind myself how very lucky I am that you want me. I very much want you too and I want you to know how loved and adored you.

You are simply delightful.

I love you my beautiful one x.

I hope that you have a good day – I miss you. Very cold this morning – especially the tip of my nose!

It is so nice just walking and thinking about you and how wonderful you make me feel. I do miss you terribly but equally you are here with me in my head and in my heart and that fills me with happiness. I see how much you care for me and it makes me feel very unworthy of you. I do though love you with every ounce of my being and hope to be the very best that I can be for you.

You are very special indeed.

I love you x.