Good morning beautiful one – another trip for you today – missing you loads as always. Days at work, even if we only see each other briefly now look to be so fantastic compared with the barrenness of time spent apart. But the days are passing and you will be home and I will hold you and tell you “I love you”. Take care today sweetness – I love you x.

Night #7 – slowly passing – always thinking of you, waking and looking for you – sweet dreams beautiful one x.

I know that you have gone for tonight but I will write more anyway.

know that you feel vulnerable at times and I understand why – if I could take that away from you I would – instantly so. I wish I could think of a way to give you more confidence in me.

I too feel vulnerable – I feel very lonely at times. I keep being told by her in effect “give up your own self – fit in and be what I want you to be and life with the children and for us will be ‘perfect'” – and countered against that is an inner part of me that is saying “I don’t want to be squashed any more – let me out”. But so much of the time I just end up feeling as if I am being very selfish. And what consequence will my selfishness have for the children?

And then there is you – I could sit and write all sorts of superlatives about you – about how beautiful you are and how kind you are and so on. Perhaps I should – it would take me a long time to finish. But at the end of the day it all comes down to trust.

I have to trust how I feel about you – the fact that I am drawn to you and driven to do anything and everything for you. Those feelings arise from deep within me and are interwoven with my very existence. So no acknowledgeme nt of those feelings means a denial of my very being.

And separate to that I am asking you to trust me as we start to plan first waking towards the sunshine and then walking side by side together in it for the rest of our lives. After all I am being unfaithful to my wife – why would you trust me going forwards? Why won’t I just be unfaithful to you? And to that all I can say is that “us” was not entered into lightly, it is not a dalliance. I cannot bear to have her touch me – even the lightest touch feels like a betrayal of you. Fidelity in my head is simply an aspect of love – if there is love then fidelity, loyalty etc – they are implicit. I do know how to be faithful and loyal because I am so now, to you – just another aspect of the all-consuming love that I feel for you right now.

The bottom line is that, yes, I am being pulled in many directions which is why my life is complicated. But I cannot be anything to anyone including my children or you, until I am true to myself. I will stand up for me and after that I will show the people in my life who I care about the most what that means.

For you – you are the love of my life – simply everything. Back to simple is best – I love you, I want you. You make my heart soar like I have never ever known – and that makes you unique and very special indeed. So I am not giving you up and there is nothing that anyone could say that would change that. Because my love for you and who I really am inside are one and the same thing and to deny one is to deny the other.

With time your confidence in me will grow I promise but right now – I love you my beautiful one x. Just you, only you, always you. X

Hello – watching you travelling – although you are far away now you are coming back which is very welcome – I just long to see you. Today has I think been a difficult day in parts for both of us. Speaking to you this morning was so very lovely though and makes everything else seem bearable. I am in the garden – watching the birds, listening to them. Actually I am sat online trying to find you a birthday present! but failing miserably….. my choices are not always the best I think, but it would be wrapped in endless love though.

You are everything to me my beautiful one – I love you my beautiful one x.

Missing you loads sweetness – wanting to hold your hand and to tell you that I love you x.

Very sunny here about 24 degrees – warmer here than where you are. I would love to sit in the sunshine with you – just holding your hand, talking – every now and again leaning across to gently kiss you – enjoying your company. I want to be with you – this enforced separation is so very painful at times. I want to look at you, to see that smile and hear you laugh, to watch you – delighting in all of the things that make you you – the most definitely perfect you that love more than anything else at all x.

Hello – watching you get closer to land again – looks like it will be a nice day again for you. I hope that you have a good day – I hope that you get a bit of space for yourself – I love you my darling x

Another weekend but pretty much now half way until you are back – I miss you – not sure what you have planned for today but I do hope that you enjoy it. I am just doing the usual things – finding jobs to distract me – but listening to your songs almost constantly to help bind me to you.

Please don’t forget me – I love you more than I can explain. Be safe always x