Thank you the time today to talk – I miss you so very much. There is so much for us to talk about going forward but I don’t have any clear answers in so many ways nor do I know exact timelines – but it was good to discuss just that little bit more today for the first time. We have to do this together step by step slowly looking after each other.

I love you more than I can explain – the words are so ‘thin’ at times in terms of conveying meaning – and certainly don’t convey the intensity of emotion that I feel for you – not even close. Today I feel that part of me is missing – lonely and sad, subdued, incomplete. And then hearing your voice – and you laughing is so uplifting – magical. And then of course the lilting “thank you” – and my heart melts.

I also need to apologise about the direct question I asked you – not because the sentiment of it was wrong, it did need to be asked, but because it came out very badly and clearly stressed you. I am not neutral, and I need to be sure that you are doing the right thing for you, because that has to be paramount.

We need more time together – I will try to make that happen – you enrich my life, you make me so very happy – I love you my beautiful one x.

Hello – shower time now – hope you are ok – then I am off to do some jobs – will write more later but just need to remind you that you are not forgotten – never in fact my darling – I love you my beautiful one x.

Hello – hope you slept a bit more after messaging last night, hope the tears are settling a little – I wish I could hold you close. I love you darling – I miss you. Some work to do now but I have that smile of yours in my head and it soothes me. I love you x.

Hello beautiful one – I adore you – I miss you. Walking soon to get some fresh air and think of you and that smile – remembering our very happy times together and looking forward to new ones too. I love you with everything that is me – you are the love of my life x.

Hello – as you said we had a taste of paradise… and I miss you so – where are you when I wake my beautiful one? Please take care and know that I love you always x.

You mesmerise me – every day in every way and I belong to you – I just need to make that so – so that we never need to be apart – I love you x

Hello my beautiful one – you are everything to me. I need to tell you that you are quite simply amazing in every way. You make me so very happy indeed and I just want to hold you close – to tell you that I love you and to feel your head resting on my shoulder as we fall asleep together.

I love you my darling x

This week has had its highs and lows just as life does in general – all of it – the good and the bad are part of the complexity of “us”. I regret the lows in so many ways – what I said to you and how I behaved at one point are in so many ways unforgivable – yet I am begging you to do just that – to forgive me. In addition I am so very ashamed that I have brought such anguish and pain to your door. And then finally breaking down that night as I did – again I feel very ashamed that I had no control for that time – I cannot let that happen in that way again.

And yet in spite of all of the above my overwhelming memory of this week is how simply wonderful it has been – as you said, paradise. The emotional and physical closeness that we share is extraordinary – something that I have never known before. You ARE unique, special and precious, the love of my life – little things like holding your hand on the escalator – to me like touching an angel.

I cannot tell you enough how much you mean to me – the pain I felt that night when I hurt you ripped through me – my heart was breaking in every possible way. You have brought my soul back to life – you have shown me what love should be, and is, and what it can be – you have provoked in me pure contentment and absolute joy – and then on top of that when I remember what you call me now re intimate moments – you make me laugh and embarrassed in equal measure – not in a million years would I ever be imagined those comparisons!

I do not know the words to describe how profound my love for you is my darling – all I can manage is quite simply I love you my beautiful one x.