Can’t sleep (as usual) – dreaming of you. Wanting to be close, to feel you next to me, safe in my arms, beautiful one.

I love you.

Hello beautiful one, I will feel so much better in the morning in anticipation of seeing you. For now, I sit here with my eyes closed hearing your voice, seeing your smile and remembering the tranquillity of tracing patterns on your skin – and I am content.

I love you.

I think about you and how lovely you are – and then I think about me and the odd things I do. I know that I am not the best at communication, I not infrequently feel that I am fundamentally lazy, and part of me thinks that the other part of me is probably a bit Asperger like. But in my defence, I do love you with all my heart. What I don’t get at all is why you want me – I am so very pleased that you do and I do believe you (I trust you absolutely with everything that is me) – but I still don’t get it. But sometimes life is just like that I guess.

I am transformed by you though – the disruption that you create in my head is profound and at the same time so very calming. I am sat here trying to find the words to describe how wonderful you are, and how much your tenderness touches me but I just can’t seem to. I am close to tears because I wish I knew how to explain this all to you, and how to show you what you mean to me, but I am, I think, just a bit inept. But one day I will figure it out – and in the meantime I will write to you, and care for you, and love you in every way I can in the hope that you will, with time, come to understand how special you are to me.

I love you.

Another walk – whispering your name to myself, hearing you in my head telling me that you love me. Looking forward to tomorrow morning so much.

Thinking about how beautiful you are and how I love to caress your gentle curves and your soft skin – it makes me realise what true beauty is – and it is most definitely present in you.

I love you.

Thinking about you – wanting to hold you. Whatever I try to do, almost immediately you are there in my mind. In a really nice way you intrude on my thoughts, interrupting me, constantly reminding me how lovely you are. And what is so striking about it all is how happy it makes me feel even though part of me aches because we are not together. But the happiness part at least makes our time apart bearable although it all pales into insignificance compared with the joy of actually seeing you.

Every morning I sit in my office hoping to hear your steps on the stairs – and then when you arrive I am so very pleased to see you. Sometimes I worry that I overwhelm you a bit when you first arrive by being somewhat intense but I do on occasions struggle because of how you make me feel. So apologies if this is the case – I simply adore you.

I love you beautiful one.

My beautiful one – I hope that you are ok. Looking for some meetings here and there – not much to find at the moment but will look again later. I am trying to patient but time does pass slowly and I really would like some time with you where it is just us – to help us be “us”. I want to be just you and I – just as ourselves – without any interference from work in any way – I want the peace and contentment of just being with you for hours and hours without worrying about the time ticking away.

Was out for a walk – had a bright idea about the maths thing (was looking at the branches on some trees and it dawned on me re a faster way of sorting data) – so am part way through a new algorithm that I want to test on some historical data, and will do some of that later. I have changed the first bit already and that bit is now about 150% / 160% quicker and more accurate – so am hopeful, it should go a lot faster. Of course I still blame you for making me do this!

Far far more important though, I really need to hold you, kiss you and tell you how much I miss you. I hear your voice when I close my eyes and it feels very good indeed.

I love you.

As time goes by, your confidence in me and how I feel about you, will I hope grow. I want to be able to show you with time, how enriched I am by having you in my life – it is very important to me that you come to know and understand what a very special person you really are.

I love you.

Adorable one – thank you so much for letting me call. Your voice, your laugh – they lift my soul – there is so much gentleness in your voice. I feel better for having spoken with you, however briefly – I miss you terribly.

I don’t want to, nor can I / could I, go away from you – no matter what anyone asks. I can’t help it but you are now so important to me that I have to think about you and “us” in every decision I make – and I am happy that that is so. How you make me feel is unique, extraordinary and one of those once-in-a-lifetime things. For as long as I can remember, no one / nothing has brought the calmness to my thoughts that you have. And I would be completely insane to ignore all of that. The developing, growing “us” is a very good thing indeed – and as you said in the week, the foundation is a very strong one.

I am completely enchanted by your gentleness and your beauty – you are truly lovely to me.

I love you.