Hello sweetness – back in my office. Trying to think of how best to describe what I feel today without you here. It isn’t easy to do well in a written form.
Deep within me is a feeling of emptiness – a feeling of loss and loneliness. I have moments when I smile to myself – I think about our memories and the things we talk and laugh about and it is lovely. And in those moments I feel so very close to you. I listen to your songs and they too help me with memories and thoughts of you. I sit sometimes in the quiet with my eyes closed and my head is filled with thoughts of you. I wake in the night dreaming about you. Yet I constantly miss you, that empty hole at my core is always there – transiently dulled by all of our memories and the happiness that we share, but still always there. That is not to say that the memories aren’t truly wonderful and amazing because they are – very much so – but it does mean that the loss that I feel now is very real and very striking.
Truly, very different aspects of being absolutely and unconditionally in love with you, my beautiful one. That love is all-encompassing – it shapes and guides my every thought. In every decision that I make, my first thought is “what does that mean for us?”. I would not trade this love for anything – I will happily accept the loss that I feel today, this week, next week, because loving you is the most wonderful experience and provokes and invokes the most amazing and astonishingly delightful emotions in me. Caring for you, making you feel loved and wanted, being intimate with you – these are the things that are most important to me, they fulfil me and bring me joy in a way that I have never known before.
Thank you for being the definitely perfect you – thank you for loving me – and thank you for letting me into your life – I love you my beautiful one x.