Hello my darling, I am not sure what to say to you. I understand and feel your pain and distress but somehow we need to find a way to make it at least bearable for you. I can only tell you that from the bottom of my heart you are everything to me – I feel completely lost, bereft – and the only thing that will make it better is having you back here where I can see you, hold you and love you.

I do everything I can to feel close to you – I talk to you, I listen to your songs, read your emails, read your messages – all of them help but it seems like for such a short period of time. I am completely addicted to you – when a message comes through my pulse races, my heart leaps – it feels like a drug coursing through my body switching on the most intense emotions and feeling of love. It (the excitement) lasts for a while and then wanes as that gnawing visceral pain in my middle starts to grow again. The love carries on forever.

For what it is worth, I can’t sleep either, not eating, don’t want to talk to anyone etc etc – I just and only want you. It sounds so very simple so why then is it so complicated….?

We do need to talk when you come back – we need to think about a path to the sunshine for both of us. I want to talk, it is not straightforward but it is doable. And please don’t think that talking equates with pressure – it doesn’t. So please, yes, let’s talk.

“Us” needs to grow more – these last few days have taught me that so very clearly. You are the most enchanting woman, beautiful in every way. As I said before I want you, here with me, walking holding hands side-by-side in the sunshine bound together by our love.

I love you my darling beautiful one x.

Sitting here – thinking of you beautiful one – going to write some more x.

Done half the grass – wishing you and I were holding hands being together without any oversight. Thinking of the wonderful smile and the gentle lilt of “thank you”.

I love you beautiful one x.

About to start grass cutting – but have to write – I don’t know how to explain how much I miss you. You truly consume each and every thought – I want you and I want to belong to you and only you.

Your songs help – I love you my darling beautiful one x.

Nice sunny day here – been walking, cutting the grass again soon. Trying to find things to keep me busy as it helps to distract from the ache in my middle. Still thinking about you all the time though – that bit is lovely and I certainly don’t want to diminish those thoughts and emotions at all.

You are a beautiful soul – you are everything to me and I love you so very much x.

Missing you loads – sometimes I feel a bit numb at times, just lost without you near. But so far today I don’t feel quite so bad as I did on thursday watching your plane getting further and further away – that was truly truly terrible. Who knows how the rest of the day will pan out though?

Thank you for my messages last night – they make me so very happy. It is so very kind of you to make sure that I am ok – but most important is you – beautiful one – so don’t get into trouble.

Hope you are having a nice time – out and about, doing whatever pleases you – remember I need you to bring back some happy stories telling me what exciting things you did and so on.

I am so in love with you my darling – I just yearn to have you back with me x.

Hello – hope you are well – hope you are ok in yourself, hope you are keeping yourself safe and out of trouble – walking time soon. Lots of things for me to do today – I will write in between, and I will think of you constantly. Listening to your songs – thank you for these.

I love you my beautiful one x.

night #2 – missing you – wondering how you are – dreaming of you and I intertwined making love – I love you x.