20/3/2017
I am sat here trying to think of what to say to you. My job is to look after you and to care for you – to protect you, to keep you safe. I know how sad you are at having to go away. I am sad too. I try (perhaps badly) to reassure you about how I feel about you. I try (perhaps badly) to explain and describe how much you mean to me. I try (perhaps badly) to show you how much I love you. I want you to feel loved, wanted, desired. I want you to know that I am going to wait for you – forever.
Inside my heart is struggling – I love you totally, completely, absolutely – but that pain that I feel when we are apart, it is growing with the knowledge that you are leaving this week. Every day it gets worse – yet how can I be sad when you and I share moments like this morning? – truly magical. And how can I be the one who cares for and supports you – when inside I am falling apart? Does that not just make me a complete waste of space – I feel utterly useless and helpless.
You are everything to me – I need you – I want you – please please please always be yourself with me – whatever that may mean. “Us” only works if we share openly and honestly with each other – it is a true joy to be with you, and I love sharing with you (however bad at it I am).
You are the love of my life – I love you my darling beautiful one x.