20/3/2017

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I am sat here trying to think of what to say to you. My job is to look after you and to care for you – to protect you, to keep you safe. I know how sad you are at having to go away. I am sad too. I try (perhaps badly) to reassure you about how I feel about you. I try (perhaps badly) to explain and describe how much you mean to me. I try (perhaps badly) to show you how much I love you. I want you to feel loved, wanted, desired. I want you to know that I am going to wait for you – forever.

Inside my heart is struggling – I love you totally, completely, absolutely – but that pain that I feel when we are apart, it is growing with the knowledge that you are leaving this week. Every day it gets worse – yet how can I be sad when you and I share moments like this morning? – truly magical. And how can I be the one who cares for and supports you – when inside I am falling apart? Does that not just make me a complete waste of space – I feel utterly useless and helpless.

You are everything to me – I need you – I want you – please please please always be yourself with me – whatever that may mean. “Us” only works if we share openly and honestly with each other – it is a true joy to be with you, and I love sharing with you (however bad at it I am).

You are the love of my life – I love you my darling beautiful one x.

20/3/2017

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Hello – thank you for your time today. I worry about you so very much – I want to care for you and look after you to keep you safe. You are always such a wonderful and peaceful person to be with – my heart is yours.

I love you my beautiful one x.

19/3/2017

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I know that you don’t want to go – I don’t want you to go either. But if you have to do (and you do) I do want you to go and have a good time – you can’t fly halfway round the world and have a bad time – that simply isn’t right.

Whatever you wear you will look fantastic – I know that – you always do. Be proud of yourself, know that I will think that you are amazing. I will be sad that I won’t see you looking quite so fantastic and on top of that I will also be jealous – sorry, can’t help that – but only because I love you with all my heart and I want you to be mine – properly mine in the sunshine.

I will miss you terribly (perhaps understatement of the year) – I will be here waiting when you come back – you are my eternal beautiful one and I love you x.