Today is a nice day – seeing you and spending time. Please don’t worry about me – I am fine just thinking about my talk for next week.

In everything I do or think about, you are there. Caring for you, thinking about you brings me great happiness – and then today you are worried about me showing great care and love and then that just reinforces to me what a wonderful and amazing soul that you are.

I love you my beautiful one x

Hello beautiful one – see you soon on our journey today – some time together at the end of the day – I love you x.

Thinking of you – missing you – wanting to fall asleep with you in my arms – I love you x.

Please don’t feel bad or sad for me – I am fine – honestly – I will not lie to you. I love you x.

Thinking about you – thinking about “us”. I do love you – and that is why I need you. I need to be able to show you how much I care for you. It is never a chore, you are never hard work, you are not a shrew – what you are is the love of my life. I need you or otherwise no one now – because I need to stop being not quite good enough.

For a long time after I was raped, I felt ashamed. It took a long time to ease that pain. This is a different pain but a pain nevertheless. That feeling of never being right whatever you do, however hard you try is corrosive – it slowly eats away at you and it has done so to me. But I can no longer bear this – it simply is not fair.

I want you – I need you – “us” is amazing – you are everything.

I love you – the love of my life, the woman of whom I dream and who has my heart x.

I am yours – I just need to describe a path from now to where I want to be. Come what may, I have to sleep alone now unless next to you. My heart can no longer cope with anything else.

I listen to what you tell me about how much of my feelings I show to you – genuinely I anguish over this, I am sorry (please don’t tell me off!), the thought of causing you anguish, distress or uncertainty simply because I am not transparent enough tears me apart. It rips through me, like a fire, uncontrolled consuming, destroying and leaving a trail of pain that I struggle to control. I must get better, I need to change, I am trying – I promise.

I love you my beautiful one x.

Hi – took a deep breath and said that I prefer sleeping in the spare room. Hasn’t gone down well – but it is the right thing for me and it is the right thing for “us”. And anyway what is the point of complaining when for the last few days I have been sent there anyway. But I have to remove myself for “us” and so I have.

All I think about is you – I need the person lying next to me to be you – or otherwise no one. You are everything to me and in my head I need to protect that – I have messed up once before but never again.

I love you my darling beautiful one x.

Hello – home now, had some dinner, not in trouble today. Thinking of you and the wonderful times we share – including today. Tomorrow will be lovely just spending time with you.

I love you my beautiful one x.