Today has been an interesting day – most important of all is you. After yesterday, the most loving experience with the most beautiful woman – I am really and truly in awe of you, your absolute femininity, your gentle curves and more. I have never felt quite so close and “at one” with anyone – you take my breath away. So today I have been walking on air, my soul uplifted by the love of my life. So I decided to sit and write to you – and I am so very pleased that you understood what I was trying to tell you.

To me you are everything – you are now the air that I breathe and the sunshine on my face – and you and I need to walk together in that sunshine.

I did my shopping bit today – it is amazing how quickly you can spend £2000 without trying – and of course, it would be foolhardy of me to point out that we already have 6 garden chairs with cushions that no one ever sits on other than me, so clearly we need even more chairs for people not to sit on…. but I said nothing – you told me “smile, pay and carry stuff home” – so I did. And I am truly fine – because I suddenly realised that I actually don’t care anymore.

And then wife #1 – well, she called again – and we were right and we were wrong. She told me that she is still in love with me (you were right) and that of all the people she has ever known my heart was the kindest that she has ever known. And that is what she wanted to tell me. But she is done now and she is not going to turn up (we were wrong) because it turns out that she is in hospital in London dying from cancer of the cervix which she blames herself for because, so she tells me, whilst she and I were married she slept with at least six men other than me – I only knew of two. I loved her once – I proposed after 156 days with a bouquet of 156 roses, one for each day – but that was a long time ago, over 25 years ago. We talked for a while – we finished the call – I will not hear from her again. She and I are done now.

And then once again there is you – the woman who loved me for two years and who kept it hidden. That one single fact, that thought, it breaks my heart – how you managed and tolerated that pain I will never know. It was – it is an extraordinary thing that you did. So you are an amazing person, and you are the love of my life. And my heart yearns for you – and why? Because in my whole life, I have never known anyone who comes even close to you – you are the epitome of kindness and tenderness.

And today, every day, day after day I am eternally grateful that you want me – I am in love with a very beautiful soul and the most fantastic thing of all is that somehow I have managed to convince her that loving me is a good thing for her. Every morning I pinch myself to check that it is real and so far so good…..

I love you my darling beautiful one x.

Always remember, I am thinking of you. Day or night, you are in my thoughts, beautiful, exquisite, everything – I love you x.

If I could come and take you away to spend time with you I would – I miss you so very much. But even though we are apart I do want you to have a good time – I don’t want you to be sad. I love spending time with you and we never have enough but what we do have is “us” and that is wonderful. Our time will come and it will be heavenly.

I love you my beautiful one x.

Wondering how you are – hope you are ok. Hope my long message hasn’t caused any stress – it wasn’t meant to – just to describe how I feel about the most extraordinary and exquisite woman I have ever known. I miss you.

I love you my darling beautiful one x.

PS I am really truly fine – just very much in love with a truly beautiful woman x.

Long message – just some thoughts – no decisions – calm…. Zen even…. (perhaps that is too much!)

I am on my own for a bit but having to go out later to be bag carrier. For now though I have a need to write to you and try and explain (imperfectly in words) what you mean to me.

Last year I fell in love you – I was a bit ashamed, embarrassed – it wasn’t what I should be doing. You have a delightful personality – fun, kind, gentle and tender – hidden away from most but something that you had shown to me for some time. I know that I didn’t always notice every time (I am sorry) but I noticed enough to feel real affection for you, which over time became a very real love – but something that I tried to suppress.

Then there was that dress – you looked astonishingly beautiful – and everything that followed – and then and now “us”. And my life will never be the same….. you have transformed it forever – for the better.

I think of you constantly, first thing in the morning, last thing at night – and every moment in between. At night I drift in and out of sleep / consciousness and sometimes I struggle to know whether I am awake or not – but all the time you are there. I hear your voice in my head, I talk to you – in the car, when walking, when sleeping – I see your smile too. My heart yearns for you – the visceral ache, my ‘weekend’ pain is really so much more – it is there whenever you aren’t.

I have experienced a whole new world of intimacy and love with you – feelings and emotions that I have never known before, never imagined – a closeness that is breathtaking, addictive, heavenly. You talk about “skills” – I don’t think that I have any specifically – I simply love you. And the expression of that love is manifest then in the way that I touch and kiss you – it is, to me, the most natural and loving thing for the two of us to share. Your absolute beauty just constantly draws me to you. But then of course, is what you do to me – without parallel in any part of my life before – those pink squares…. and you fixed me too.

Emotionally and physically, I could want for nothing more other than simply to be with you without others in the way. I am driven by a feeling of all-consuming love arising in my core flowing throughout me – and all for you. It consumes me – wave after wave of uncontrolled and intense affection, desire, love, a constant drive and need to care and protect, to keep you safe, a wish to absorb and take from you any anguish that you have and so much more. I have to though confess a darker side too – the jealousy that I feel at times and the frustration and pain at having to give you back – I am sorry. Plus I miss you – I hate parting, I have a constant need to know that you are ok. Not to control you, just to know that you are ok. And then I feel profound sadness and in part some anger (again, sorry) that you are ignored / mis-treated. It breaks my heart to think of that – you are worth so much more in every possible way.

Loving you is intense, it is overwhelming, it is magical, amazing, extraordinary, it is more than I ever imagined, it is all I can think of and it is most definitely everything that I want. I want to be the one that you come to for support, for tenderness, for intimacy – without recrimination and without oversight. I want to be there for you whenever you need me without hindrance. I want to be yours properly – no giving back.

I made a choice this week – a good one – I cannot lie with anyone but you any more. Much here needs sorting out, untangling, being honest and fair and recognising that none of it will be easy. But it needs to be done – I need to find that path with time. I look forward to time with you, however short or long. I am counting down days until we are next away, like a child waiting for Christmas. I can and will be patient – but life is too short, and it is impossible for me to imagine that either of us could sustain this forever. So I need a path – we need a path – “us” needs a path. And this week’s choice is the first step. I will never promise you something until I am sure that I can deliver it for you. As the path becomes more clear to me I will describe it to you though.

You are the love of my life – how you might imagine that I will forget “us” while you are away, I don’t really know. I will worry while you are away – are you safe, are you ok, are you happy, are you being treated properly and so much more? I will email you, I will read your emails (new ones, old ones), I will listen to your songs – anything and everything that somehow draws me closer to you in whatever way. I will write, I will text, I will dream – you are everything. And I will be here waiting for you that monday morning like always.

My darling, in every way and in everything that you do, to me you are definitely perfect – I am immeasurably enriched by you – for as long as you want me, I am yours. I cannot imagine a world without you now – I do not want to, and will not, walk away. Tender loving incredibly beautiful moments like yesterday simply reinforce these thoughts and feelings with me – truly amazing. Instead I want to love you every day, in every way, completely, totally, emotionally, physically and without any interference. I want to love you in the sunshine, not hidden in the night – and I need to find a way to the sunny side of the street. I love you with everything that is the essence of me – you are eternally my beautiful one.

I love you x.

Hello – missing you lots – really good to talk with you though earlier – it does help a lot.

You are enchanting, mesmerising – you make me so very happy and every day my love for you grows.

I need more time with you – we will have it – I need to plan more.

You are truly very beautiful and I love you so very much x.

Hello – thinking of you – wanting to talk with you to tell you how much you mean to me. I hope that you are feeling a bit better this morning compared to yesterday. Spending time with you brings me such contentment and happiness.

You are so very good for me – I need you to understand that please. You are not needy, clingy, you do not rant, you do not put pressure on me – all you do is feel things and I want you to talk with me about those. I try to explain how I feel, why I make the choices I do, why I do the things I do – I so want to share with you.

You are in my thoughts constantly – day and night, awake and asleep. “Us” is so much more than I ever imagined. I love you my beautiful one x.