On my own now, all quiet here. Listening to your songs, lying here looking at the ceiling. Almost another day gone, counting them down. Time apart just reinforces how much you mean to me. If you weren’t important then it wouldn’t hurt – and the anguish this week has been so very intense indeed. And just to be clear, you have not caused that anguish, it is just a reflection of the loss I feel not having you near.

But I am thinking of the future, time away in April and May – that will be fantastic. Thinking about what a path to the sunshine might be, how it might look and play out. Thinking about next week when you are back – just spending time with you. So a real mix of short and long term, hopes and dreams, some easy choices, some difficult ones – so much to be walked together with you – building “us”.

Your songs are lovely, thoughtful, tender – so very much like you – a window into your soul. You make me feel very humble at times – the love of my life – you overwhelm me. You melt my heart – I love you beautiful one x.

Another conversation here again about the spare room and choices. Talked about the asymmetric nature of bedtime attire and how that made me feel – that I felt manipulated and controlled – clearly though I am over-reacting (so I’m told). Went round in circles a few times but did in the end agree the principle that each of us is allowed to make their own choice – and so I then stuck with mine, which wasn’t the anticipated response. But no fuss – so I staying where I want to be now, on my own until I can lie with you.

In the end there is only you now and you are everything – I love you my beautiful one x.

Hello – back home now – really nice walk, sat on the stone bench in the field looking at the stars. Lots today. Talking to you – telling you how much I love you.

Remembering the first time we made love and how absolutely magical it was to feel so very very close to you – holding you, kissing you, feeling you around me. Hearing that gentle gasp from you as you gave way to my push. The most loving and beautiful experience I have ever known.

Thinking of the time on the plane passing so quickly, time in the bar just being together, that smile across the dining room that evening – so many amazing memories with the most beautiful woman.

So I miss you more than I can describe – but I also have so many wonderful memories of you – constantly reminding me of how exquisite you really are – my definitely perfect beautiful one.

I love you my darling – come back safe to me x.

I used to think that the weekends were bad when I could speak to you – but now 2 days seems so incredibly trivial compared to this trip. But writing here and seeing your messages really helps a lot.

I spend so much time thinking about you – and it is truly lovely. I dream about you, I want to hold you, to talk to you, to hear your voice, to be reckless, to explore you and your wants and likes and then so much more. I want you to feel loved and wanted – to know how much I care. I want you to be safe with me in my arms, in our bed – “us”.

I want you – I love you my beautiful one x.

Hi – off to a real job – missing you being here in my office. Missing speaking to you on the phone, seeing you in meetings, popping by your office. You brighten my day in so many ways without even realising my beautiful one.

Please keep yourself safe there – always know that I love you my darling x.

Hello – telephone conference time – thank you for my messages today – they always make me very happy – but please only send them if it is safe for you to do so.

I think you are the most wonderful soul – you mesmerise me and my heart just melts every time you look at me. My life is so enriched by you – you are everything to me.

I love you my beautiful one x.

Good morning beautiful one – hope you slept well. In meetings for the afternoon then back in a real job for a bit after that. But thinking about you constantly and really missing your radiant smile. I hope that today is not too troublesome or difficult for you. Please take care of yourself – remember that is your job when I am not there.

I am so looking forward to next monday – I just need to see you.

I love you x.

Hello – in between things – too much going on again today. But wanted to stop and tell you how much I love you. Some difficult conversations at home this morning too for me – in part predictable based on decisions from a week or so ago. No explosions, nothing unpleasant though. I am ok, ticking along in the usual way – and counting down the time until you are back.

I miss you my darling – I love you beautiful one x.